Mentioning the 9/11 gift shop always makes me think of this.

#blessed

It also claims that her clerks were “coerced by the threat of contempt sanctions” into granting marriage licenses.

You’re a bunch of losers if you don’t get that Trump loves women. He loves how pretty they are and how they make him dinner. He also likes boobs. So there, you dummies.

An interesting question that’s never before occurred to us: has anyone showed Donald Trump his own face?

We don't even have an official language. I never understand this argument.

In first grade, I don’t remember what happened but my first grade teacher, Mrs. McCarley, threatened to paddle every single one of us until whoever did The Thing confessed to doing it. (This was the 80s, so paddling was still a thing.) I did NOT do the thing, and I sure as hell wasn’t getting paddled for it, so I went…

My mother was very prepared for my very first day of school - I was 4 years old - in all particulars but one: colouring pencils. She showed me my pencilcase with pencil, eraser, ruler, and one solitary red colouring pencil, and carefully explained that I was supposed to have colouring pencils, but there was only one.…

I used to teach elementary art in a really low-income school district near Denver. One student, Franklin, was a third-grader who was homeless and living in a car with his mother at the time. The district and social services were aware and helping as much as possible, but mom was hard to work with due to some ongoing…

My family originates from Irish peasant stock, which contributes to a somewhat no-nonsense attitude to death. When I was about six, my grandfather died in Ireland. Far-flung sons, daughters and their families gathered for the funeral.

I was about ten, and my mom’s best friend’s mother died. She was a miserable old bitch, best pictured as a cross between Tony Soprano’s mom and Mrs. Burn’s mom. Just awful and did nothing but spew hatred at everyone.

I Can’t Believe It’s This Fucker

Back in the day when I was in the dating scene (6 months ago), I began chatting with a woman online. I gave her my number, she texted, I called, we talked for a few hours and I asked her out. We talk each night leading up to the date, but on the day of, she calls and says she has an ear infection. I tell her it's…

I'm a heavy sleeper so I think the excuse was rooted in my fear of that really happening. I also love a good decorative pillow, so the danger is real.

Oh yeah, I also have a collection of dick pics from former boyfriends that I frequently photoshop (I add kitties playing around, or draw funny things around them) and send them back to respective owners when I feel bored. I am in good enough relationships with my exes to be able to do that.

Hokay, I've been waiting to jump in on comments for YEARS (I was really bad a double dutch as a kid) and I feel that this may be my moment.