Well, thank you. I tweeted that exact thing a few months ago (though it was only prompted by my dislike of nut water, not an infant with scurvy story) and it flopped!

Makes it even more funny!

Fuck almond “milk”. We should apply truth in labelling here and call it what it is: nut water.

This shit is so whack, it’s almost as bad as

Motion to change Tyga’s name to Chester (as in “the molester”).

Tomorrow, rat rat will be my inspiration to “rise and grind”.

The four-legged pants would clearly chafe the dog’s asshole.

Stuff sprouting up all over the place here in noted tundra Wisconsin. All the woodland creatures are still out and about. Grass is green.

Oh, Bernie. I was feeling the burn already. Now it has gone from burning when I pee to a definite chalmydia diagnosis.

Just like that blonde wig turned John Travolta into Kesha.

LuAnn, don’t be uncool.

I would F his kind of ugly, but oddly attractive brains out.

Stinkier, too

I’m such a dumbass that for a second I thought “oh great another stupid celebrity unisex fragrance”.

RIP Jordan. I died after reading the phrase “formal clamdiggers”.

This guy. He’s like if one of your turds grew legs and slithered out of the toilet and became a half-turd, half-serpent CEO.

IDGAF kween Brit 4 life

“The saddest fact I’ve learned is nobody matters less to our society than young black women. Nobody.”

I’ve got some pie for Jared Leto, alright.

I don’t know, but unabashedly love Big Daddy Vladi.