No cups for me, period.

Go to a Lauder counter or an Arden counter and have them match you. Both lines (I work for one) have a magical machine that takes photos of your skin and finds your match.

Yeah, my next door neighbor is a nun, which I was surprised to learn, because in my mind all nuns wore habits and lived in convents.

And I’m mad that she’s given a platform or considered at all relevant, but here we are.

Well that’s unfortunate. I had an easy peasy pregnancy and then a worse labor than I could have imagined if I had tried to construe the worst possible labor scenario in my head.

I’m not sure I give a shit what you think.

Why do people act like pregnancy is a disability? Some people feel totally fine during pregnancy and don’t sweat profusely or whatever other stereotypical whiny pregnant lady thing people think.

Why so glum, sweetheart? Come on baby, smile!

This bitch. She’s nuttier than squirrel turd.

Well, let’s be honest, its not like he’s got to worry about anyone getting anywhere near his grundle.

I think Dutch can get awkward, so I prefer to take turns. Definitely don’t like to always have my way paid. It makes me feel gross and in my neurotic mind, it turns into “does this guy think I’m a loser who can’t afford to buy dinner?! I’ll show him!”.

Haha, how hilarious!

The most disturbing part of all of this, which I have not seen mentioned yet, is that the sample melody is from a song called “Children” by Robert Miles, which I remember from clubbing in the 90s, because old.

Also I now have that goddamn Dreams song in my head. Sigh.

Miley is queen of the Try Hards.

I don’t even know where to start. I so related to every single one of these. I grew up working in my family’s restaurant and have worked at several bars and restaurants as either a way to supplement income or get by between jobs.

You don’t see men busting into our kitchens like the SWAT team do you?!

Times must be rough for SJP. Shocked to see her body doubling for J. Lo.