There are more important places to direct my outrage today than at 2013 Amy Schumer. Shitty thing to say, probably came from a pretty good place. Tig’s reaction to it was flawless, measured, spontaneous, honest. They’re obviously not friends but they’re two cool ladies who don’t work together anymore so let’s just…

Wearing pants and button up shirts. Short hair. Not wearing makeup.

This, please. I have a friend in an abusive relationship. No lie, she has instigated her fair share of their arguments, but no amount of shitty behaviour from one party justifies raising a hand to someone. Heard doesn't have to be an angel to be a victim.

My partner hit me out of anger, and I know that my partner is punishing herself more that I or anyone else could ever inflict.

I keep seeing this ‘mutually toxic’ excuse being thrown around, but I only see evidence that one of the two of them was hitting the other.

Smashing up your surroundings- breaking things, kicking and punching walls and doors etc- *is* categorised as domestic violence.

The idea that emotional abuse is not as bad as physical abuse is bullshit, I'm sorry.

I used to work for a DV shelter where I answered the hotline, and like, yeah, I’m sure I wouldn’t have gotten in trouble at all if I was like, “Well, your spouse isn’t physically abusing you, he’s just intimidating you, but that’s not violence, so this isn’t the hotline for you.” /s

I’ve known enough addicts that I would bet what little I own that this is the case. Everyone who’s only known my brother when he’s clean thinks he’s just the nicest and most friendly guy, and he is. Everyone who’s known him when he’s using knows what a nasty sonofabitch he can be, to the point where family members…

I used to work at a wildlife centre, and I can tell you that a Canada goose can break your leg with its wing.

I saw one grab a pigeon by the neck, lift it off the ground and squeeze the life out of it in the parking lot at my school.

Once I was standing on a hill holding a bag of cheese puffs and got SWARMED by seagulls. It was probably the most terrifying thing I have ever experienced and to this day I prefer to cross the street rather than walk by any kind of city birds.

I should probably feel bad for the spice gull, but this just makes me LOL

I have to live in the UK, dear. This is not helping. The gulls are secretly having Odessa-file style conferences in Devon and they want us alone, so they can steal all our chippy food. And we have to cower in fear.

Not in person but I can believe it. Any chippy in Scotland has the seagull mafia outside. I knew someone who put their chippy tea in a tupperware to take home for fear of pilfering and loss of heat. That person was a weirdo though.

That’s one of my memories of Santa Cruz— a mean-looking seagull that ate my cousin’s chicken drumstick in one swallow. It then looked at me like “Yeah, and? Keep it moving, motherfucker.”

SCREAMING INTO THE ABYSS AT ALL THESE GREAT PUNS

When we were kids, my mom took my sister and I to the beach for a picnic. She’d bought us LUNCHABLES, actual brand-name Lunchables... which was, for us, THE ULTIMATE TREAT. She went to use the bathroom. Seagulls attacked. She did not believe us, and got really mad that we’d wasted our expensive lunches. Fuckin’…

A seagull tried to steal my wallet once!! Obviously to buy more Doritos. If Gary Larson haven’t specifically asked everyone to stop posting Far Side comics on the internet, I would link to the one with the vultures in a diner with a sign that says ‘carrion to go?’

I think we are on to something here. Could Trump’s horribly applied orange makeup just be the result of him perpetually falling into bins of chicken tikka masala?