“Rodent fetus looking dick breather” — this is like Shakespeare to me. This is good insulting.

WHADDAYA DOIN’ HEAH WITHOUT DORINDA?

It takes some steel plated balls to evict Gandalf.

I feel so foolish!

This one’s my favorite.

THANK YOU all. I was thinking “... zombie?...”

Wait, what’s the real answer?

“If ANDY WILLIAMS were your cousin, don’t you think you would have known it long before this?”

100%

Plus, I’m pretty sure that after all these years, Jesus is at most bored and vicariously embarrassed by anything we do.

I left, which is almost worse because you have to keep telling people you’re not like that.

STOP EMBARRASSING ME, ARIZONA.

What if I make the sandwich first, wrap it in paper, chuck it in the fridge, bone the dude, and then go to the fridge and voila, pre-made, post-coital sangwich?

Taylor, for stealing her look.

• Dean McDermott is a “deadbeat dad.”

I don’t even eat ketchup, but I will defend to the death your right to get that shit for free.

My mother used to be a diiiiiiick to service people. It took my sister and I joining forces (which we never do) and calling her out on the fact that we’d both worked retail and food service jobs and are EXPERTS in what assholes look like to get her to mellow out.

I’m routinely on the same trains as a woman who basically walks (how can I explain this?) on the outer side of each heel. It should not be humanly possible, and I want to take her aside and smack her.

The number of women out there who wear heels even though they never learned to walk in them properly is a whole ‘nother cultural problem that someone really needs to address. It drives me mad.

shhhhhh... this is why I love them....