oh! i get it. yeah, pathetic.

He's a higher caliber talented musician than the people who wrote Shake It Off, genius.

I just figured it was because anytime I hear her, all I see is this in my head.

This would be the orthopedic equivalent of curing AIDS. Atta boys.

This article mentions "Cartegena" multiple times, but no one makes a Joan Wilder joke? Come on.

My nightstand is littered with water glasses. It's like the house from Signs.

love these. what were we talking about...

This is true. It is much better to wash your knives in the blood of your enemies.

Easier?

I was gonna say that spaghetti can be eaten out of a tall beer glass right?

IMPORTANT, THE SECOND: OWN NO POTS NOR PANS. EAT OUT A LOT. THE SODIUM'S NOT THAT BAD, REALLY.

I got an amazing blowjob in a bathroom stall in that airport. It's totally my favorite now.

Please don't tell people to come to London. We've got enough entitled American asshole tourists as it is.

Scale estimated based on visual cues. Subject to correction pending actual scale confirmation/correction from NASA.

I disagree with number 7. Here's the proof:

Robotic chargers for your Tesla are all well and good, but nothing will replace the pumper bunnies, bikini-clad girls who pumped your gas at our local station in the summer. God I miss the '60s.

zhandi is a misogynist stalker