I am not a lifter, at all, whatsoever, but I thought part of lifting was control and not just dropping the weights down? That being said; as the article states: it’s a gym, there’s a shit ton of noise anyway, and the dude acted wayyyyyyyyyyyyy outside the bounds of what’s acceptable.

And, seriously, he came from so…

So does the “69" at the end of your username.

I thoroughly enjoyed this and appreciate you took it seriously. I too enjoy coffee and gerolsteiner!

Fun fact #1: being called out on one’s insecurity is a contributing factor to said insecurity. Fun fact #2: insecure people are FULLY AWARE of their insecurity.

The truth of the matter is, I’m not very comfortable having my face online! I’ve been recognized in public a few times since I started writing for Deadspin (and especially since Drew and I did the Foodspin video series), including once by a contractor who came to my house, and it was very, very jarring. Making a weird…

Your toothbrush habits upset me greatly. My wife leaves those freaking floss stick things all over the place. Mouth stuff does not belong where it can just be happened upon by your loved ones. Put that shit in the holder or put it in the trash.

Also pictured: My onions

He received the same advice in Chicago and Miami and it didn’t help there. Shocked it worked at home.

I don’t know when else I’m gonna be able to tell this story, so I’ll latch onto the super-tenuous connection here and brag about this now.

We just moved back to the city after being away for four years.

He’s paraphrasing a Scott Adams line. Yes, that Scott Adams. Outsize ego recognize outsize ego.

Roethlisberger didn’t play in the game, so unless the steelers are employing at least two rapist QBs that’s not the case.

The real scandal here is who the fuck abbreviates “football” as FB? Especially after spelling it out TWICE in the same tweet (once w/ a capital F, mind you)

I was out with a couple of friends drunk off our asses. After last call we jumped into a taxi and headed home. Halfway there I noticed there wasn’t a meter. I asked the driver what was up and it turns out we just piled into some guys car who happened to be parked on the side of the street. He put up no objection and…

Yes because a licensed cab driver has never kidnapped, raped, robbed or otherwise harmed their passenger. Because of the bright yellow car. 

Nothing good happens after 9:30.

Another tragic example of what happens when you attempt to drunk Uber instead of drive.

Thanks, but it’s really selfish... I do it when I’m in a rage about the world and feel like everything is garbage and I need to do something in my control to make it a tiny bit less of a dumpster fire. My mood is improved, other people’s day is improved, we all win. But my motivation is usually MAKE THE HURT STOP FOR…

And, let’s not forget, this is based on a book. That has FIVE SEQUELS.