It really is so absurd to honor the “Don’t speak ill of the dead” philosophy. It makes no sense at all. Every damn last one of us will die, no exceptions. Many of us are assholes. This doesn’t change just because we are doing the thing that everyone ultimately does!

It should have ended with “Ova and out”.

You are so right. I was lucky that my mother (the main custodial parent) was the “unfun” one who insisted on vegetables, chores, and bedtimes. My father and his wife thought they were those parents—very firm believers in “discipline” and “respecting your elders”—but instead it was a lot of judgment, disrespect, and…

Lol. I was at a funeral for a nasty, manipulative, abusive old woman...the sort who’d spread lies to family members just to stir up trouble and drill it into her daughter’s head from childhood that she HAD to take care of her and her racist, sexual predator husband in their old age. They were nasty, toxic abusive…

I’d be so tempted to put up an explanatory sign right next to it.

So, in my neighborhood this dude freaked out when his girlfriend tried to break up with him, held her hostage, cops came, he led them on a high speed chase which ended in suicide by cop... his family without getting permission or asking anyone erected a huge rock memorial with a plaque at the entrance of our running…

Reminded of this:

My God, this spoke to me. My father was extremely neglectful after my mother died and I grew up so pained by it all. Now I’m in my 30s, still putting off motherhood and just focusing on nurturing that little girl. I’ve never been able to put my feelings into words but this is it. Thanks.

Holy shit. I see that “quick-witted sarcasm” didn’t skip a generation. That line “and I’d be happy to pen your obiturary, too.” sounds like such a gracious threat of murder it gave me the vapors. lol

I’m so sorry for your friend. If she’s still in treatment, she could definitely use a good friend like you. A suggestion: ask her what she needs, but also consider offering specific help. Child-minding, so she can get some rest after treatments. Offer lifts, to her or her kids. Drop off frozen meals. Do some laundry…

I would not be allowed to write an obituary, and my family would go with the myth, because they are not good at the truth. I sympathise with anyone allowed to write an obituary who would be punished for telling the truth. Families can be sooo good at punishing the truth.

God bless her. May we all be the parents to our inner child that we needed when ours failed - as do all of them. Hopefully not as badly as this douchebag.

Definitely ask her what she needs! Maybe watching the kids for a day depending on how old they are so she can breathe and grieve. Or consider bringing her some meals to put in the freezer a few weeks from now! People tend to send food in the days after but it kind of peters out after a while and needing to cook for a…

Made my day! Thanks!

That was amazing. Thank you!

As an antidote to this, here is my favorite obit. http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/latimes/obituary.aspx?pid=174629182

Contrast: just got back from my friend’s mom’s funeral. Poor woman had a stroke in her 50s about thirteen years ago and just faded slowly, in hospice the last three. Her wake was packed and tears flowed, despite the fact that she couldn’t participate in life for over a decade. She was so loved. My friend walked…

This is excellent. I wish more obits were like this. A few months ago, a young woman was killed in a murder-suicide by her abusive stalker ex-boyfriend down the street from me. His obit talked about what a great guy he was and how dearly he would be missed, and made no mention of what he had done. UM WHAT THE FUCK.…

This is my personal favorite. From the Sedona Community Cemetery, Sedona, Arizona. And it is real.

I admire this family for their honesty. A lot of families in similar situations who go through the charade of pretending the deceased was a nice person when their life ends and in some respects that can be painful and disrespectful to the victims.