Somewhere Jon from Jon and Kate +8 is dropping off some bottomless mozzarella sticks to a table at TGIFridays and crying into his Ed Hardy shirt.

Why in the world is she doing that? The houses are staffed, aren’t they?

so glad you’ve migrated to over here. many happy returns you beautiful bastard.

I am OK with it as long as this man is allowed to rub up against the pamphleteers while they harass the pregnant women ....

The most important news from this:

I like Uno as an adult.

He cellared an $8 bottle of Trader Joes wine. Is that....normal?

He got eyeliner on and it’s noice.

I guess they didn't pay Nike money.

I don’t know if I’ll ever come to terms with how much of a fox I find Bill Clinton...in that picture, now, I don’t care, I would do bad things with that man.

And these new highways freed us from ever getting stuck in traffic again.

So much this...I have very few close friends and I’m cool with that, but I kinda have this thing “Don’t ask me for shit, and I won’t ask you for shit.
No one is ever disappointed.

“You’re a prison” is such a good comeback.

Seems a little weird/creepy to me.

He’s not talking about legitimate rape. You know, rape-rape. /s in case that isn’t clear.

you just put on a “i am an acquaintance rapist” sign: you know that, right?

So parents of vegetarian families just get probation and community service?

Oh, this is going to be good.

"A little thing that can turn into anything at anytime."