The sad part? It is almost two weeks later and she is still in character.

I soon hope to get injured so I can get a settlement to pay off my $8k in credit card debt.

"How I got out of debt: I worked hard as fuck, for a long time. It didn't work, so I sued somebody. It worked."

Man, if I was surrounded by dicks all week at work, the last thing I'd want to do is go to a Patriots game on the weekend.

Can I just be "that guy" for a moment, and say that if your favorite beer appears on this list, you seriously need to get out and try some new beer.

After suffering debilitating mono for almost a full year, I will never share anything with anyone ever again. I thought mono was a funny teenaged comedic illness (what does that even mean? I don't know.). It fucking RUINED my life for a year. Be careful out there kids.

I guess giving out little boxes of raisins just wasn't shitty enough for her this year?

Was that Sinead O'Connor in the audience passing out some more helpful advice?

Fiona - i am hugging you through time and the interwebz. I just can't with people.

So, you're not okay with being shot at, but being potentially beaten by a gang of 20+ thugs is okay? With your wife and baby in the car?

(please?)

What the hell is a 'glass' of wine?

Who measures wine in "glasses?" It's bottles up over here! I mean, yeah, I have wine glasses, but it's not like I've ever had to re-cap a bottle once it's been opened. I got a nice set of wine stoppers for my birthday one year and was like "...and these are for what, exactly?" "You know, when you don't finish a…

i want you to have more respect for your cock, & i want you to have more respect for the recipients of your dick pics.

If only Jon Hamm made the same poor choices as Farrah.

Doesn't seem to bother this guy. I'm sure his wealth and royal bloodline helps soothe any injured manly pride, though.

Uniqueness is the most important pet adoption quality? For me, it's cuddliness. My baby jumped into my arms when they opened the cage, and I was hooked. Then she grew up into the evil, aloof beast she is today. Stupid cat.

I have a black kitty! She actually is the foot servant of Satan though.

"Why are people so into Yuengling?"