If you were an outer-space alien and you stumbled into a human kitchen, which appliance do you think would be the most perplexing?

This isn’t technically fluoride but one time my dentist had on purple gloves, which I thought was odd but didn’t say anything. Then when he stuck his fingers in my mouth, I realized they were grape flavored. It tasted like a grape ring pop if that ring pop was made of latex and also had been urinated on.

What’s the longest you can sleep for and still call it a nap

I was invited to a Harry Potter-themed Halloween party. I want to put in the least possible effort for my costume while also appearing to be clever and attractive. Thoughts?

Patrick and Kevin, do you guys run regularly? If so, any good ‘I had to poop mid-run’ stories?

Which Deadspin staffer would win:

When I was a little kid I used to watch The Black Stallion every time I was sick. I still have no idea how it ends. Do they get off the island!?

Has anyone done a wellness check on Magary? Between Twitter and that Chili concoction from foodspin, I’m concerned.

Texas is satisfying as hell, very balanced mixture of straight artificial borders and natural river borders.

Aren’t we getting into scone territory here?

Sometimes a faithful reproduction works — McBurnie “Daytona” Corvettes are so pretty, they’re worth the forgery. So, in my mind, are Factory Five Cobras.

Judging by personal experience, they weren’t nearly surprised enough when he tried to stuff it in one hole and it went in another.

Found the truther

This is one of the more nuanced, oddly layered articles I have read on these sites but does such a great job capturing Taffer.

I wouldn’t dare, anyways. Got an accidental “Upgrade” to a V6 Genesis sedan a while ago (didn’t want it, wanted the Sentra I asked for, because I was headed up onto narrow NC mountain roads with a really good chance of light snow that night).

I wonder what 1998 Matt Damon is whispering in his ear. Something sultry, no doubt.

These stories are always the best when they come from a team that royally sucks ass.

She fucking killed that debate and I am drunk and a nasty woman and also i love bad hombres and fuck him and i ate a burrito and several cookies and maybe like a whole bottle of whine or wine or shit or omg i need to go to bed even on the west coast i am a mess omg i hate trump o hope he dies ifn a fire

As an outsider (Brit) I don’t like to talk about politics here. It’s none of my business and it’s such a partisan issue to the people to whom it matters, but I’m going to break my own rule.