[never mind, can’t donger like the rest of y’all]

Looks like we’ve found our replacement presidential candidate.

More grit: Dan Campbell or Miko?

Hell.

I’m not going to believe any of this until Magary warns me in all caps about the dangers of BIG FLOSS.

The headline’s confusing me. If he ate shit, why isn’t he in Cincinnati?

Going missing and mumbling incoherently isn’t a big deal.

Come November and Senor Detestable is inevitably and forcibly deported, can I file my application for stand-in as Herr Abscheulich?

What is Dundalk, and how chuckleheaded is it?

You get it.

Dust baked to a sweaty uniform?

If you’re going to post a smear piece, you should at least attempt to get all sides of the conversation.

What’s the worst thing that will go down in Rio?

Yes.

-Uncles everywhere

It’s a lot simpler than all this. The cushy statements from the league are designed to protect us from the trauma the players receive.

+5 slaughterhouses

The Ring vs. The Grudge is an artistic representation of the Ryan-Ventura brawl.

Belichick was just frustrated at himself for disseminating information.

O/U on number of teams whose farm club cities would be nicer than their own: 4.5

If Bob Iger’s pending class action lawsuit was instead a car driving past Yankee Stadium tonight, that driver would be forced to admit it knew about declining subscription info and deliberately misleading stakeholders. Begin self-destruction sequence.

-A tweet from Darren Rovell, four hours from now