Al was actually born in NYC. Would that help?

“The single metric I wish we had,” he told them, “is the sum total of the scores of every game you’ve ever played. One-on-one, two-on-two, your little sister, your kids, five-on-five, scrimmages, preseason, playoff games.” He paused. “I don’t know what that would say, but I suspect it would be awesome. I suspect it…

He owned 25 blue blazers, all size 40 regular. The goal: reduce decision fatigue, the psychological phenomenon in which the more choices we make in any given day, the worse we are at making them.

The most horrifying part of all of this is that whenever some Bush-41/Bush-43 Administration retread or some billionaire dipshit is nominated, I sort of breathe a sigh of relief, because of thoughts like these: 

In this analogy would Adam Silver be the Joker? Maybe Two-Face? Is Brett Brown the long-suffering Alfred Pennyworth?

Yes of course it was Paul Krugman’s fault.

I don’t think the point is economic hardship. Despite all the handwringing over rust-belt factory workers, most Trump voters and Brexiters aren’t struggling economically.

In recent days, Ivanka has made me think rather painfully about Gulnara Karimova, the daughter of former Uzbek dictator Islam Karimov

I think you’re right - it would start an actual civil war. But the scenario of a recount overturning the result is very unlikely. The best that might come out of this is that people start taking the concept of election-hacking seriously.

You are an enemy of all that is holy and good. Buttfumble is the greatest football play of all time.

“The local people refer to Vegas, not Las Vegas,” he said. “The people from out of town refer to, ‘Las Vegas.’ It’s, ‘Where are you from?’ ‘Oh, I’m from Vegas.’

Bah. Bland and boring. How about something a bit more contemporary:

Just who exactly is this cabal who DC journalists who irresponsibly propelled Susan Collins into the titan of US politics that she is today? Are they the same ones we should blame for the rise and rise of Lincoln Chaffee and Olympia Snowe?

Tsk tsk, these post-game locker-room speech truthers.

Dude, don’t be such a highlight-truther truther.

I’m guessing the Trumps expect to monetize this. Maybe they’ll sell more of those tacky MAGA baseball caps. You’re stuck with the Secret Service bill though.

The picture on this post is just INCREDIBLE.

Yet I am here not to bury Simmons but to praise him. His columns used to be entertaining until he spread himself too thin, became a caricature of himself and fell into the “I’m a media personality now”.

Simmons’ essential problem is that he’s got a face made for radio and a voice made for the printed word. Good Lord is he awful on camera.

Mothertrumping picture won’t load. Here: