Sir, I’m afraid you’ll just have to wait in line for that like everyone else.

Well, you know what they say, “Do what you love [where ‘what you love’ is here defined as ‘wielding sadistic power over helpless and desperate human beings’] and you’ll never work a day in your life.”

Nuclear launch codes are authorization codes, not enablement codes. For all we know, he’s ordered twenty launches a day every day since 2017, and everyone in the military is just telling him, “Oh, sorry sir, there’s a problem with the frammistat. We’ll get it fixed any time now.”

Male ballet dancers can bench entire people. How is that not badass?

Believe me when I say that you never want to ask a racist Bible-thumper where black people came from. They have answers and those answers are fucking terrible.

They don’t talk about it much, but very few of those Bud bottles get adopted after the game. A lot of them were put down.

The class admittedly did try to ask some follow-up questions, but they had to clear out because there was a porn film shooting there.

“And that’s what your holy men discuss, is it?”
“Not usually. There is a very interesting debate raging at the moment about the nature of sin, for example.”
“And what do they think? Against it, are they?”
“It’s not as simple as that. It’s not a black and white issue. There are so many shades of gray.”
“Nope.”
“Pardon?”
“The…

Think of it this way. I too am an atheist, but I do believe that there’s something essential to our existence beyond the physical body and brain. What religion calls “the soul” could be defined as the summation of our memories, our personalities, everything that makes us unique as a human being and an individual.

I know he’s been very open about his faith, but I’ve never heard him say anything racist, sexist, homophobic, transphobic or disparaging of other religions on social media. And that particular mike is live 24/7, if he had any urges to use it.

Is THE QUESTION “Hey Alton, why do you always refer to yourself as ‘Daddy’ on Cutthroat Kitchen and put so many of your contestants into bondage gear?” Because I gotta admit, I’ve wondered.

I was going to say, Tom DeLay is a shittier fucking human being than Spicer ever was or will be. (Not that Spicer isn’t a fucking shitty human being, but let’s not forget that DeLay got into politics because he wanted to legalize DDT. That was his fucking starting point.)

• Kicking and Screaming

“Disney launches their streaming platform and gobbles up all those little eyeballs”

She pretty much got ‘em! The only thing she didn’t win was Best Series, and she specifically declined nomination for that because she felt like it would be double-dipping. She’s fucking fantastic.

Supposed to be, yes. But it’s a system that has thankfully never been tested, and the key aspect is that the President doesn’t launch the nukes himself. He merely gives an order.

Yes. The nuclear launch codes are not enabling codes, they are authorization codes. They are simply codes that tell the person on the other end of the line that yes, this person is one of the folks who has the authority to launch nuclear weapons. If someone were to issue an order requiring additional authorization due…

You can totally opt out of the smash cake thing for your kids. Bookmark this comment and show them that I gave you permission.

Every time she talks, I just want to pump my fist and say, “HELL yeah!” It’s astonishing.

As people have pointed out, while there were no deaths, there were injuries to riders prior to this incident. You didn’t hear about them because the park hushed it up.