@jwaves2007: same theory that leads you to go to the DMV drunk and high for your license renewal photo shoot.

If only he'd run his girlfriend over with his Bentley instead of throwing her down the steps, he'd probably be in Bengals training camp this week.

@MarkKelsosMigraine: Especially when it comes to substance abuse. Remember kids, there's no hope in grown men named Johnny.

Reds fans only hope that he will soon be joined in retirement by hitting coach Dick Pole, who has been pretending the Reds don't exist since April.

It's because the athletes getting the reality shows are already the most overexposed athletes in the sports world. I'd rather watch Brian Scalabrine, a Girl, and a Pizza Place than another 30 minutes of TO or Shaq coverage.

Most Valuable Power Alleys

I imagine him singing "You Are Not Alone" to a live turkey, then slaughtering it and weeping as he cooked and devoured it.

@One Sack, Two Sack: right, but what about how you coped with Michael Jackson's death?

needs more investigative reporting from AJ Benza

We need a "Happy" tag around here,then some events to tag with it. too much sad. RIP, Smalls

The Reds pitching staff is doing its best to persuade Daulerio to give me that star, either out of pity or gratitude.

"Blew some lines with Len Bias last night. If he can fill up his stat sheet like he fills up his nose, he'll be a Hall of Famer."

@Orr's crabapples: check your PM

Johnny Kilroy's agent is waiting by the phone.

This Summer,

I think those are real.

Ricky Rubio

Gumpy old men

"If I feel hungry, I am morally obligated to destroy you," said John Daly to his Denny's Grand Slam breakfast

Deford went through a whole case of Dos Equis while "researching" and writing this piece