I guess you could say he was hoist by his own petard, if by “petard” you mean “giant skateboard” and “hoist” you mean “knocked the fuck out.”

A Rush of Blood to the Head, Where You Just Shot Yourself

The man claims he has been running track since high school, and that he was never cut.

it’s time to watch pre-teens do amazing baseball things while thinking, “Hmmmm, are we sure that kid is only 12?”

Huh. I thought the headline would read, “Dustin Johnson Cocaines...”

“The mistakes I’ve made, I’ve never repeated twice,”

an anonymous source who claimed that Knight had “used offensive profanity” during his speech and “groped five women,”

+1, stranger

Invoking and consulting Ray Lewis?

Considering that Mayweather actually appears to be illiterate and also considering that he will likely beat McGregor until the Irishman doesn’t know his ass from his elbow (the undeniable racism of the fight’s primary audience notwithstanding), I’d say you didn’t get the joke.

To boost sales, promoters say that, immediately following the fight, Mayweather will face McGregor in a spelling bee.

Nothing attracts cheap eyes and assholes like cheap eyes and assholes.

Were you out all fucking night?

How to Mangle a Survey, by Darren Rovell

he really did choose what turned out to be four more years of torture and suffering and misery

+1

Puig told ESPN The Magazine that the Dodgers have “wanted to change so many things about me that I feel so off. I don’t feel like the player I was in 2013.”

A real shark? Seal blood? Sign me up!

You’d keep your asshole clenched too if you were indiscriminately fucking that many people.

Bill Belichick: [reviews transcript of Garrett’s statements]