quiet you.

Amen. No self-respecting Knicks player or fan will ever be a Mourning person.

Tre Mason: Man, fuck you guys. Not only am I not holding out, I was actually the first person to show up in St. Louis for training camp this year.

Please please please please please tell me that at the end of the season you’re going to compile all the twitter responses to these posts from Cardinals fans and make one big article with them. That would be glorious.

Heck, if you had the time and budget you could even break it down by games so that we could see the…

“I don’t own a cell phone or a pager. I just hang around everyone I know, all the time. If someone wants to get a hold of me, they just say ‘Mitch,’ and I say ‘What?’ And then I turn my head slightly.” - Mitch Hedberg

Doesn’t this entrepreneur have a self-sustaining business to run?

I believe that Shaq is far and away the most overrated player of all time who simply coasted on his size. I also understand that I’m wrong, but this is what I deeply deeply feel.

Pretty elaborate, especially when you consider the set-up for this involved divorcing the kid’s mom and moving to a new apartment ten months earlier.

I’m just glad this kid wears his pants properly like a real baseball player. Those goddamned pajama pants players wear nowadays really irk me.

Lately I’ve been experimenting with turning my baseball cap around so that the brim is behind me. It seems counter-productive, sure, but I feel it projects a signal that I’m ready to party and would be open to the company of hot babes.

Explain.

You can buy mules with money

That’s third baseman Jake Lamb, who is obviously concerned for a fellow Jake.

“What I can confirm is that we did arrest a current NBA basketball player this weekend and he was arrested for assault. That’s all we’re confirming right now.”

We’re like what...three seasons before the entire section on “what is a catch” is just a winkie emoji and “LOL IDK” right?

#BestArticlesInBaseball

Whatever, Samer. Even diehards will acknowledge that the 2016 Cardinals season is pretty much done and dusted, and that Cards fans are now going to focus all their rooting energy on their second favorite team, the police.

I wish there was some way you could avoid these articles and comments. Imagine a world where you could see the title on the Deadspin homepage, shake your head, roll your eyes, and move on. That would be an amazing world. It’s a shame it will never exist.

Well looks like I have a new favorite Plummer in the NFL (Sorry, Tomsula).

Should have gone with a really young team with future stars: