Sometimes he has to return to the atmosphere of his home planet so he can rejuvenate, okay? Jeez.

The Russians were just sending him a little “message”.

Was that body blindfolded and carrying a scale?

That really is the only explanation.

Tried to dissolve a body in it?

I cannot stand looking at pictures of his fucking bloated, disgusting, orange, fleshy face. I scroll past them as quickly as I can before vomit starts inching up my throat and my laptop keyboard is ruined.

She’s 90. If my hands look half as good at her age I’d be delighted.

Dear Universe,

My wife and I wake up every morning in hopes of finding the pee-pee tapes splashed across the internet.

Good to see he’s back. The day and a half of being “presidential” lasted like a day longer than I thought it would.

I swear I wake up every morning waiting for the final domino to fall in this atrocious presidency. Then I call my senators (who don’t answer of course) sign 25 petitions that feel totally futile, and refresh my web pages incessantly until it’s time to drink myself into a stupor, fall asleep and do it all again the…

“You don’t know the power of the First Lady.”

I will never understand the controversy over calling the non-dairy dairy replacements “milk”. Milk in this case is not a literal description, but instead a word that connotes the taste, texture, and uses of the beverage in a succinct way. We all know it didn’t actually come from an udder, we’re not confused, and we’re…

I try not to snark on Melania, but why the fuck is her twitter hashtag always #powerofthefirstlady? It’s nonsensical at best and vaguely threatening at worst.

Maybe it’s just because I’m not a reality show viewer to begin with, but I don’t like this idea. I’m not going to trash the genre just because it’s not my cup of tea, but Netflix style streaming (where the full series is released at once) seems like a weird medium for reality TV. Do people really binge watch these…

Same. It was nice to have somewhere that wasn’t cluttered with all that crap. I mean, they still have realitity shows on netflix, but at least they weren’t wasting thier own money producing them.

Great, I was really worried America wasn’t getting dumber fast enough.

Oh crap - I go to Netflix and Chromecast to get away from nothing but “reality” shows...

Not related, but timely. Congressional Dems have forced a vote that takes place tomorrow. Your rep will have to go on the record that they do or do not want to investigate the president’s conflicts of interest and shady ethics. Please make a call!

Trump makes W seem smart. How far we’ve fallen.