No Readers Digest, no National Geographics, no magazines over 3 months old, no, please god, no old legal texts, no encyclopedias, no out-of-date atlases or dictionaries, no old bibles...

Thank you. I work 9 volunteer hours a week at the local Friends of the Library. You should see some of the utter shit we get. First thing out of the damn box is a battalion of spiders, half the time. The world is awash in old books, the bottom has dropped out of the used-and-rare market. They’re not puppies, people.…

Thanks, ArtiBaby. One of these days I’m bound to say something clever enough to get myself out of the greys. Sigh. And to think that I had a star everywhere, back in the day.

Thanks, ArtiBaby. One of these days I’m bound to say something clever enough to get myself out of the greys. Sigh.…

No. We don’t even have pigs. Too cold.

No. We don’t even have pigs. Too cold.

“Do you even lift, bro?” “Well, yes, as a matter of fact I do.”

High probability the whole thing is a con.

When I was a student there was a Vidal Sassoon place nearby that offered a similar deal. Best hair of my life.

The short story is dead. Sincerely don’t think this is the way to revive it.

Putting up “this positive front” is bloody. exhausting.

WALTER JAMES PALMER of 10851 Rhode Island Avenue South, Minneapolis MN 55438? That Walter James Palmer?

Have a nice drunk. Sometimes you just gotta.

“Nice.” “Nothing wrong with them.” Words o’ doom.

These flights are required to have enough fuel upon arrival to get them to the next usable airport. So, probably just as bad elsewhere.

Don’t they charge for airlifting out uninjured people?

He is delusional. Send him to a shrink.

Or you could just waggle your finger in between the can and the bag and break the vacuum.

Bigger ice cubes are heavier and all they do is slide forward and bonk you on the nose. Avoid.

Bigger ice cubes are heavier and all they do is slide forward and bonk you on the nose. Avoid.

Ancient wisdom: always buy a car the same colour as the local dirt.

Unlace the shoeklace if you want to seksaaaay.

The thing about bringing a long-winded conversation with someone to a rather abrupt end is that you’re probably farrrrr from the first person to do so with them. They’ll survive.