Brings back memories of when my wife and I had to fight the Catholic birthing hospital so she could have her tubes tied after giving birth. They claimed she was still of childbearing age, so they didn’t feel it was right. She was going to be giving birth to our fourth child.

The time my oldest’s friends from school came to spend the night. They were a brother and sister who were both undersized for their age - like you’d think they were a good few years younger than their actual ages.

I’m not getting any work done today...

Since they are obviously uncontrollable ticking timebombs, maybe combat vets with PTSD shouldn’t be allowed to own firearms?

Barron? Don’t know him. People say he’s a nasty hombre.

They wouldn’t let him fall off a ladder? Comedy gold, I tell ya.

Better than my ‘16 Kia Sedona, that barely cracks 17 mpg.

Driving on a highway at night through a remote part of Eastern Oregon after a snowstorm with my two high school friends, on the last leg of a road trip. All of a sudden there’s wild rabbits all over the road....like dozens and dozens. We can’t slam on the brakes because we’d go out of control on the snow. I just had…

I wonder if these two cops are also School Resource Officers. The way they seemed to light up when talking about terrorizing children tells me that’s a pretty good shot. 

They honestly don’t give a shit about who is right or wrong. If you make them get off their asses and come to your home someone is leaving in cuffs. Doesn’t matter who. They’ll even provoke you so it’s not a waste of their precious time.

They're currently trying to pass legislation in California because Indian immigrants can't stop discriminating against their own people. He'll fit right in.

Let me guess, you down low fat shame women by making it a health issue instead of aesthetics. Just mind your own business.

I think they all read about Taylor Swift pulling an Oprah with everyone working on her tour. 

I think I read somewhere they’re tracked on how many units get bought while they’re giving out samples. The worker with the highest score doesn’t have to face the wall during break time. 

My children have watched Sound of Freedom 20 times. It’s a great movie for kids and it teaches them to automatically trust older white men.

This you, Jason? Try going out looking like that in “a small town”. Nice earring, partner.

I was looking forward to some of Pugh's lovely hams.

I’ll wait for the "Definitely Not Oppenheimer" porn spoof.

“Oh yeah, forgot to mention this Supra comes with a glass pack which is why it sounds so tight when you drive it.”