The Federal Aviation Administration says that for an aircraft to be certified, it has to be able to be evacuated in an emergency within 90 seconds.

The venn diagram of Americans who identify as Nazis and people who never made is past the 3rd grade is a perfect circle.

Sucks when your mom drank the entire time she was pregnant with you.

I wish I could quit Del Taco.

Toxic? Sure, to us humans and our technology, but that’s pretty harsh. What did Venus ever do to you?

I’ve been taking my kids to the local rec center’s indoor pool all this summer. It’s literally the only time I get a couple hours of peace and quiet to read without my kids or spouse bugging me because I’m “not doing anything”.

Enjoy that GTSlow

How does it manage to be zero sugar but also a malt liquor beverage? I thought the whole point of malt liquor was to get you hyper on sugar and drunk at the same time.

Go ahead and die then? Don’t they realize they’re killing off their political base? Who’s going to vote for these idiots?

If Cuomo’s alleged nipple rings mean anything I’d say sticking your whole shoe in his mouth comes after testicle abuse. 

Time’s Up: Never, will we do this again.

I drove an Olds Delta 88 that a friend of mine described as looking like a “mob work car”.

Mine was as Daihatsu Charade. Not fast, but zippy enough to be fun. I’m saving my Scion xA for my oldest when he hits 16 in a few years for the same reason. 

Is that even a picture of a person? All I see are indistinguishable beige blobs. Fucker looks like boiled chicken.

It took my wife and I realizing we were repeating our parent’s abusive patterns on our own children to get us both into individual therapy and couples therapy for the past year. Like, I literally saw my son doing the same things I did at his age to cope with all of the chaos. I’m definitely in a better place but still…

But it literally is. How is this any different than IPv6 on our internet infrastructure? Now it’s on our personal property.

Anyone who lives in the Denver area can tell you theres not a lot of dingers here, so you really can’t blame us for mishearing. Plus, there’s a history of KKK in the Denver area (looking at you, Westminster Castle).

At the end of the day I’m just glad that I was dead on right in thinking Kristen Bell probably smells like pee.

Sounds like her dad. Wait to see which direction the wind is blowing before putting yourself out there. 

This what happens when you get too much sun. Sinema keeps proving over and over again she is not fit for her job.