I make really good pizza dough from scratch, but I will admit that I will often just buy several tubes of Pillsbury pizza dough from the store. It’s not *that* bad, if you can get past the slight Pillsbury buttery flavor. Texture is spot on.

It’s a big club and you (and me) aren’t in it. They will take care of their own no matter how much they screw up

I’m afraid of stuff that seems to never go bad when I feel like it should at some point. 

Just heat it to above 180 degrees before putting it on your salad.

Same guy would quote MLK - only, the “judge you by the content of your character” part, mind you - and not be able to pick him out of a lineup.

Can’t wait for the Fox News “Dominique Wilkins needs to stick with dribbling a ball instead of trying to eat” take...

Eric Clapton is a big old racist

If only there was a place where you could just type in the name of the bar you want to visit and see if they are family friendly. 

I wrap most of my produce in paper towels before I put them in the crisper in the plastic shop bags. Sure, it makes it a little harder to tell what I have, but shit lasts for a long time.

Kettleman’s in Portland was legit, but they got bought out by Noah's/Einstein's about ten years ago, and the quality dropped. Portland is also a wasteland when it comes to good deli sandwiches. 

Yep. I know a guy whose family is pretty well off and he works for the city because he loves working with tools. 

Soooo...dealer prepped is not a good thing, I’m assuming. 

He definitely liberated something.

Sam Rockwell was pretty damn good.

Or you could always just get a cat. You know, with a face.

I can think of a few ways to completely fuck with this company. Might be worth $999 for one month.

I know, right? He had to know this would come out if he ever decided to run for political office... yet fucker did it anyways and tried to turn this disgusting mess into a quaint origin story. 

Fix the freaking ice cream machines, too.

Where do I submit my resume for the open crack inspector position? I have extensive experience inspecting many cracks. 

Maybe if “shorts” today weren’t basically underwear...