Tracy’s needs to be a ticker.

For me it’s reading the AV Club review and looking to see if it was really *that* bad. I always forget to watch it live and end up reading the review the next day out of curiosity. 

I’m thinking he’ll fall somewhere between Charles Barkley and 2015 Trump. How many sketches can they come up with where Elon plays the out of touch straight man who can’t read cue cards?

Yes, and when your child decides to rip open their squishmallow and you’re finding squishmallow fluff in every nook and cranny of your house. And it sticks to everything like velcro, making it nearly impossible to vacuum up.

Currently federal prosecutors tout above a 95% conviction rate. This is primarily due to the fact that most cases never make it to trial.

So Floyd, please beat this white boy’s ass.

Reminds me of this guy I know who took me and a friend on a drive through the hills one time. I distinctly remember him talking nonstop, looking right at us while he would literally spin the steering wheel around corners. He assured us we were okay because he made numerous trips on this road helping a friend move…

I’m surprised he wasn’t cackling with glee. His poor colleague looked like he was thinking, “We’re going to get out of this, right?”. 

Scientific studies have shown if you smell like pee then people will talk shit about you behind your back.

Good to know, but I will never willingly approach any cop in Colorado. 

White people are nasty.

Totally agree - it also teaches them good lessons on working together and resolving conflicts. 

I was hoping the judge would’ve denied bail and make him sit behind bars until his trial. I would’ve given it about 10 minutes before someone caved his head in. 

They’re brainwashed to believing it’s the woman’s job to heal their men.

So the answer is to totally change up your space, and your behavior, to accommodate your cat.

I wonder if the Family Matters cast eventually engaged in some “puff puff; pass” team building exercises to bond?

Praise the deities for Mozco:

I was feeling shitty that my four kids spend a big part of their day sitting in front of Minecraft until relative posted a picture of her kid in a neck brace, about to get a CT scan after injuring himself playing sports. 

Something something capitalists digging their own graves. Is it really that hard for these captains of industry to see if customers don’t have money they can’t buy their products?

Get back to work.