...was “incredibly lifelike,” it was “not viable.”

*Googles Dearborn*

That’s not a celebration, that’s a suicide attempt.

Stage IV Cancer “survivor” here (“”s because there are not guarantees, I’m about 5 months into remission and if I make it to 3 years, I’ve got a very very good chance).

There is nothing more correct than finally moving past the phrase “battle with cancer.” Honestly, Stu Scott had it right when he explained that…

I’d criticize school staff for not seeing through the ruse, but in all fairness, nobody’s ever met a 30-year-old from South Sudan.

For once the Browns won’t even have to draft a quarterback to guarantee themselves a bunch of picks.

I think you’ve got it backward, my friend. It’s more like: a lot of terrible players ended up on the mid-late ’90s Rangers.

Tiny Catcher: Goddamnit, that was my ride home.

At least the fans’ wrist shots were more accurate than the Flyers were.

If Jordan sat out a game in the playoffs, the 95-96 Bulls would have won by 37. That’s how much better Jordan is than Curry.

Would have never happened if Papelbon remembered to shut the door.

Meh. Manny Ramirez was famous for his upper deckers.

Kelly Olynyk knew.

That was Apocalypse Now, dumbass.

“Can you paint with all the colors of the wind?”

The NFL needs to give this guy another chance, it’s not like he killed five hookers while at SMU.

ESPN Exec: So much for increasing our coverage of the Aggies.

Sic burn.

When the Rams are down 14, they can turn it off and go back to sleep at 6:45.

+O....the letter, not the number.