Like I always say, “gonna have some fun, show you how it’s done, TGI Friday’s. What a restaurant!” - Me, Professional Funny Man.

These are batting-cage-free chickens.

The end of the Oscar Award Winning, Martin Scorsese film, The Departed, features a shot of a rat on a ledge after a man is murdered by Marky Mark Wahlberg. The rat is (of course) a metaphor for Dan Rather, known ally to Whitey Bulger (the real-life gang star the film is based upon).

“the LA Lakers” “known for having players who are good at their jobs”

I didn’t know you could do that from inside the kitchen.

The prodigal juggalette returns.

Man, he sounds like a dick.

I’ll settle for ungraying on Deadspin proper.

Rick Pitino reportedly impressed by their ability to stay in for ten minutes.

Chimera attacks Gost? Sounds like a plot of Xena: Princess Warrior.

It’s nice to see his manager pissed on his behalf.

Pretty sure that just viewing this clip qualifies as a bachelor’s degree in English at UNC.

Good thing Curry is a master of the step-back.

Eh, I don’t think it was a bad year at the plate for him, judging by his waist size.

How far can he punt a football?

You provided a literal definition of “a repeat offender” in your comment.

Sanders got my vote as soon as he promised to send any white person who says “YAS QUEEN!” to Guantanamo.

This is fine. Honestly I'm more worried when Clark the Cub rocks out.

“Scouts’ hard work”? Please. Boo Radley was the one who stayed up all night making that soap doll.

Don’t worry, the porn parody can’t be far behind.