Cops love this guy. Tell a few jokes, and he submits to search-and-seizure.

I’ve never seen a female breast on PTI, but sex, as they say, sells, and I wouldn’t be opposed to it.

FYI, Mike Wilpon from PTI is not related to the Wilpons who own the Mets. So if your hesitation is that he yells too much to be a good teacher, consider that hesitation squished.

He’s buying luxury pigs now, too? You know, if the Wilpon family were smart, they would’ve paid this young man a weekly allowance. Some might call it ‘paternalism,’ but look at Bobby Bonilla. He was a hot shot superstar once upon a time and he’s never been better. You don’t see him schilling for PokerStars.net! Teach…

thanks for letting us know.

The team originally said that Cespedes wouldn’t kill the pig, but that wording only meant that he wouldn’t be the one slaughtering it

The hyphenated last name really takes this to another level. +1

The 2014-2015 Feeling Yourself Award previously belonged to 16 year old sophomore Aiden Miller-Stoughton, who swears he was just cleaning his room.

Yeah, but it was a Pitcher this time, not a Catcher

Thank god he didn’t appeal. In New York Chapman’s rarely get another shot after you fire off 4 or 5.

The SI Vault certainly makes Reilly’s job a hell of a lot easier.

Terrible jokes, entire sections that exist for the sole purpose of building to a shitty pun, a scene with a sick kid meeting Curry before a game, a ham-fisted mention of Reilly’s own charity work, more terrible jokes. It’s all here and it’s all just as useless as it ever was.

Good call. Your joke was better.

He’s not the first Davis to have their Constitution destroyed.

Makes sense, because tennis scoring is already in dog points.

Using ball dogs at a tennis match is a bad idea. It’s just a slippery slope toward asshole cats acting as chair umpires.

Colon: Damn, I’m so hungry I could eat a..

“Big deal. I did that all the time in the 80s.”

In America, anyone can get interested in the farm system.

Oh my god, I hadn’t seen that and now I’m laughing inappropriately in a very quiet place.