I don’t have any friends. Stop making assumptions, dipshit.

Johnson technically is not allowed to retire. He is locked into a two year contract on my fantasy football team and you better believe I will take him to court if he refuses to play.

I enjoyed it.

I’m not going to jump to any conclusions until I have all the facts, but it appears that Eisenhauer made two mistakes. The first is that he senselessly and maliciously murdered a 13 year old girl. The second is that he did not attempt to run from the police.

Officer: Alright, Mr. Manziel. We’re going to keep this short and to the point. Now we understand you have been spending a lot of time in Fort Worth lately and there have been conflicting reports as to what happened here today. So I want you to tell me the truth. I’ve been doing this a long time and I’m not going to…

American Pharoah would have easily beaten Kerber.

The same Vucevic that averaged 5 and 5 as a rookie?

I understand that Carey’s relatively new at this, but I think CBS has to consider pulling the plug. The games just aren’t as much fun with him and his lame-ass commentary taking away from what has been a traditionally exciting product. I know options are limited in terms of a replacement, but I’m sure Bob Barker can…

Ha!

and has never done cocaine

You son of a bitch.

I tried playing DFS for hockey on one of the sites, but it would only let me Draft Kings. This seems shady, right?

I’m sure this article is great, but I’m not going to make my final decision on whether or not to eat this until I get someone from Foodspin’s opinion.

If you’re in the pendings, starring your own comment does little to nothing to help you out.

You should be going to bed at night sad because you starred your own post, but your reason suffices.

It sickens me at the thought of a promising, talented young man throwing away the opportunity to have a wonderful and successful career. That’s why I go to bed every night praying that the Browns don’t draft Carson Wentz.

Just another mistake by Jim Tomsula at Levi’s Stadium.

Maybe he should have cried. There are a whole bunch of doofuses waiting to introduce Draymond to their best friend: @BarstoolBigCat.

The NFL in London is fine, but now they’re going to hold games near Caesar’s Palace? Enough is enough.

Instead, the court should light up red after every unsuccessful Ty Lawson drive to the basket.