He should try for the Vegas job. Roy is beloved in that town.

Is this some kind of viral marketing campaign for an “Angels In The Outfield” remake?

You can always tell when swimmers beef. Just look for the bubbles.

Great googly moogly.

“Joey Votto metaphorically hit a home run straight into my dick and my dick exploded.”

Do you mean to say that Joey Votto donged a dong, a dong that’s now gone?

The last time anyone gave a fuck about the Dolphins is when Ace Ventura rescued Dan Marino.

By no means am I excusing DeRozan’s behavior, but if you knew what Prince Nakawazele’s treasurer took him for, you’d want to punch the first Nigerian you met too.

Tre Mason: Man, fuck you guys. Not only am I not holding out, I was actually the first person to show up in St. Louis for training camp this year.

Say what you want about Draymond but at least his shaft didn’t hurt anyone.

How does a cop with “11 years of training and experience” not recognize part of a donut?

I feel really bad that “neighbors backyard” probably isn’t gonna make the final 53. Had some great receptions in camp.

Starting it off early this year.

It doesn’t make sense that they wouldn’t have a 2nd person look at that play before moving on. I can’t believe they didn’t double Czech.

Lawyer: We’re going to get to the bottom of this.

All in favor of making Boar Monday a thing say “Aye.”

OH FUCK YEAH JUST PLUG THAT SHIT STRAIGHT INTO MY VEINS IT’S SO GOOD.

Lately I’ve been experimenting with turning my baseball cap around so that the brim is behind me. It seems counter-productive, sure, but I feel it projects a signal that I’m ready to party and would be open to the company of hot babes.

“We can’t go to North Carolina. They’re socially backwards and perverted for their stance on what goes on in the bathroom. Let’s go the Penn State.”

I guess Jesus didn’t take the wheel...