Are You There God, It’s Me, Tim...But Seriously Are You There?

Gene Parmesan

We’re gonna build a net, and the Mosquitoes are going to pay for it!

If a killer put a knife to my throat, and said, “Have sex with your father or else I’m gonna kill your mother while having sex with you,” I would have sex with myself.

Hi, my name is Joe and I am a 25 year old, white, heterosexual male. I also recently found out I like Grimes. I know that still keeps me white but can I still date girls and like boobs and stuff?

If your work told you they would be serving free sandwiches in the lunchroom and you came to find it was just a bunch of hot dogs, wouldn’t you be confused and upset?

If it smells like a dumpster fire, it’s not our obligation.

A portion? what a guy

Maybe he had the same doctor/maester

Honey I Shrunk the Kids and Now the Dinosaurs are Even More Terrifying

Who did it better?

This (the white solid) somehow stained all my undershirts with purple pit stains

This (the white solid) somehow stained all my undershirts with purple pit stains

damnit ^

This joke works on so many different levels

Look for a product called Scenturion from Buckeye International if you can find it. I swilled this stuff in nursing homes for a few months and it works wonders.

Wouldn’t call yourself bookish, huh?

David Portnoy

Camel Tail*