This poor dude was like, “Yo, go right, go right..GO RIGHT..GO RIGHT..STOP STOP STOP WTF!!!”

A sentient anus

A wet fart with less charisma

The YouTube comment section stuffed into a Mexican-made suit topped with urine-flavored cotton candy

A walking chart of our collective educational failures wrapped in orange leather

The main character in a low-rate Trading Places remake where your drunk cousin who never left…

OMFG.... thank you SO much. I spent no less than two hours combing Kinja for these to cheer my sister up, not three days ago, and missed a bunch.

But you did too...I think, at the least, you missed these:

A stubby, lumpy chubby on a middle-aged ginger, held back by jizz-encrusted, pink silk panties.

Lindy West once wrote this about Trump, way back when he was just arguing with Rosie O’Donnell over which was better, The View or Celebrity Apprentice. I cut and pasted it and kept it in a word document on my desktop so I could read it whenever I needed a pick-me-up. I never imagined, based on this description 5-6…

Doze lyin’ lips!

Guys I am snorting at my desk and sincerely needed this today. But like, you left out the legit winner forever and ever from Kelly Faircloth:

yeah the Despecialized editions color correction is something that needs to be seen by anyone who calls themselves a fan of star wars. It really makes the movie look 100x better.

I downloaded these a while ago, but just got around to putting them on a Blu-Ray and watching them this weekend. As an online editor, I have an immense amount of respect for the work and care that was put in to these. They really are something special.

It doesn’t matter whether he’s just putting on a show.

If they actually build a replica of St. Basil’s Cathedral on the moon, I will happily eat a bowl of Borscht in their honor.

How to start your day like Mocena:

I’m fairly certain Luke was drunk at the wheel. I don’t know how I’d rank the full list, but my top three is easily:

Trick statement all the new ones are terrible.

You mean you’re not upset enough by a show not giving you immediate closure and/or gratification to unleash a poorly constructed rant on the internet to let it know that you’re ‘done with Game of Thrones DONE I TELLS YA!’?

If you’re looking for a redemptive, fairy-tale, Steven Spielberg ending for all of this, you’re watching/reading the wrong series.

Did anyone else notice that the teeth on the twelfth one down are really JarJar Binks heads?