“In possession of a handgun” is by no means the same as “threatening police with a handgun.” So if he was merely in possession of it, then I guess we will truly find out if the second amendment applies to everyone or just white people.

Not me, exactly but the two women walking toward me in a sporting good store. That was the moment when the zipper on my sport bra gave up the game completely and unzipped so fast I could not even react. Both sides of this stupid bra pop out of the sides of my summer dress like weird ass wings and oh boy, did I wish I…

Appparently my dad once used my copy of the Last Unicorn and recorded late night premium cable porn over the end of the credits. Bet your dad isn’t that bad at hiding it. Also I’m not realizing I should just put all of my dad stories on this pissing contest.

There are two kinds of people in the world...

I love Shade Court and I love Michelle Obama. I love them both so much that I had a dream last night that I won an evening with Michelle at the White House and she was throwing shade in my dream. Also, we were served milk and cookies by Betty White. When my brain gets it right, it gets it right. I’ll be living off…

A friend hooked me up with a jailbroken Fire Stick so I’m able to watch Poldark and The Great British Bake Off without having to wait for PBS to air them. It was the best $100 I spent this year. 

extremely metal

Totally. “I can has plunder?”

Behold! The majestic Norwegian Forest Cat. They are much larger and fluffier than normal cats, allowing them to cover much more of your keyboard when they flop over on it.

ugh so majestic

I wonder if Viking Cats were ancestors to Norwegian Forest Cats?

When the religious leader most associated with universal compassion mocks you, it’s time to take a look at your life choices.

This hater and loser hasn’t even met Donald Trump, doesn’t even have a country anymore. Wasn’t able to negotiate a good deal with China. Sad!

Nailed it.

Douchesatchel

He’s such a Karen!

I think it would be wise if your staff refrained from writing articles about things related to Peter Thiel. It makes you look bad.

Then they should just be transparent and title it “Still mad at Peter Thiel”

(reads)

A. “ultimately amounting to more than $2.5 million” Surprisingly small amount considering the city and company we’re talking about.