Just finished reading the post. Did I miss the Olympics?

I expected “Getting hit by a car” to rank much higher.

“Olympic Medal Events Ranked:

Wait, where’s Getting Hit By a Car?

Katie Ledecky is better at swimming the 800-meter freestyle than any Olympian has ever been in any event. She is better at swimming the 800-meter freestyle than Usain Bolt is at running the 100. She is better at swimming the 800-meter freestyle than Michael Jordan was at basketball in 1992. Whoever gets silver and…

Where’s:

0.) Getting hit by a car and missing the Olympics

The Iliad don’t got shit on this post holy fuck

1.) Swimming in human shit

This list proves my disdain for the world is justified.

You’re reading a “... for Hillary” where this post does not include one. Donald Trump does not do anything for anyone who is not Donald Trump.

“kind of a mix of Incubus and Dave Matthews”

Michael: “People love J.J. Watt, but they don’t really like J.J. Watt, know what I’m saying?”

which features Martellus saying that “NFL” stands for “Niggers For Lease”

When I ask the brothers what they would collect if they were as wealthy as the Cowboys’ owner, they respond at the same time and without skipping a beat: “People.”

“Worst quarterback in the NFL,” [Michael] says.

Wait a minute, fans in Philadelphia can get EJECTED?? I’m pretty sure I watched someone murder a guy at the Linc last year and the ushers just told him to tone it down a bit.

Poor Davidson, he didn’t realize that Philly fans yell that at their rotation

I wouldn’t be shocked if Tiger makes a surprise appearance once he gets wind of this mysterious “bird aphrodisiac” he’s just gotta try out.