This might be touching in quaint Taxachusetts, but in real America, kids should have to earn their baseballs. Goddamn handouts.

I just feel bad for his wife, who was forced to listen to 17 terrible jokes the next day.

My friend Matt and I played on a lacrosse team in Connecticut in middle school.

I don’t want someone to spit their coffee out, but this is literally how I read it:

How I Met Your Mother fandom just popping in to say, Hi.

A Canadian and longtime CFL fan here (a Bc Lions season ticketholder in fact. I wholeheartedly approve of this comment.
We can say we’re sorry for Nickelback, but I understand if we can never be forgiven for it.

Reports out of Alouettes training camp say that Michael Sam was having a hard time adjusting to his role in the 12-man CFL defensive scheme, where teams generally employ a fifth defensive back.

The numbers on those banners are not years, but the season attendance figures.

He don’t want no scrubs.

“Edison gay because direct current can’t take charge at higher or lower voltages.” -Tesla

Manager: Ancheff! Get in there and sacrifice bunt!

He’s actually pretty svelte for a Pennsylvanian.

That was the least erotic video involving a massive Dong and an equally massive pair of breasts that I’ve ever watched.

$1500 into his 401(k)? Dude’ll never have enough to retire comfortably at that rate.

What happened is that someone told him the cool new trend isn’t to get a word or name tattooed, but a sentence.

So it’s worse than beating your wife, but not as bad as beating your wife but being caught on tape.

I think he should have to play the first 4 games with a ball COMPLETELY deflated... Like ur dad makin u smoke the whole pack when he catches you smoking cigs! Ha!

“We were somewhere around LA Live on the edge of the desert when the drugs began to take hold. I remember saying something like ‘I feel a bit lightheaded; maybe you should drive…’ And suddenly there was a terrible roar all around us and the sky was full of what looked like huge Skippers, all swooping and screeching…

Man, he’s gonna be pissed when someone reads this article to him.