“I wish I was unbeaten.”

To me, you haven’t batted around until you’ve fucked up my scorecard. Ten.

Can Tebow win on Chopped? Can he rock that polo shirt?

That picture actually gives me hope. If Kelly can get Tebow to perform a gay wedding, he can do anything...

“That means that I don’t work, I don’t drive a car, I don’t fucking ride in a car, I don’t handle money, I don’t turn on the oven, and I sure as shit don’t fucking roll!”

This isn’t 1993, asshole.

Dude it’s not his job to have stuff thrown at him.

The conversation continues, though, and it gets more damning from there:

Is she fat?

Look at my main man Jack Del Rio front and center! This is probably the first time in years they didn't tell the Raiders' coach to go grab a left-handed camera lens from the truck right before they took the picture. Dennis Allen probably fell for it three years in a row.

She'll get no sympathy from her roommate, the tiny violin player.

I'm guessing it signifies West Baltimore. That's the bad part of Baltimore. (It has 1% more crime than North, East, and South Baltimore).

Technically, we're all travelling in to the future. At a constant rate of one second per second.

Some guys naturally just take a while to get their business done. If you don't have your phone in there, what the hell are you going to do for all that time?

From the first video: "He is wounded, somehow."

Also currently a baffling mess: Tom Benson's diaper.

asshole cyclist takes up half the road on my commute every morning to work..... I'm ok with this outcome

I expect this decision will lead to countless more frivolous suits from fans who are unable to watch their team play in the Super Bowl due to the NFL. Like Jets, Bills, Browns and Jaguars fans for instance.

I'm a Wildcat homer, and I agree. That was a season that you can't plan on replicating.

You could argue that his career needed one.