When armed mobs are outlawed, only outlaws will arm mobs.

"But drinking Bud Light and drinking hydrochloric acid are both flawed options, and therefore equivalent!"

"And now, Russia's Number One news!"

"Trump: Not Hitler, But a Good First Step!"

Dolphins learning to play Pac-Man isn't really good or bad. It's more in the category of . . . Dolphins learning to play Pac-Man.

1) Nickelback
2) Asbestos

She's still mourning the death of David Baui.

So Donald Trump's into some really heavy foreplay, and the woman he's with asks her to finger her. So he does.

I'm a male and a few years ago was in a relationship where I was abused by a woman.When I reported it to the police, I was given a list of resources that included a list of shelters, but one or two that accepted men were all primarily intended for the homeless. And this was in a city of a million people.

America is like the head cheerleader who is simultaneously beloved and resented by the same people.

Also on the schedule:

Anywhere, but make sure to ask permission first.

I don't even OWN a Whopperito.

Goran Logging?

"Jejune"

Ah Marvel! Where your hero can disembowel as many people as he likes, but printing the word "shit" would be going too far.

Nice work! Now hit the showers.

See also: "Pop Muzik" by M.

Where's the long-form demolition permit showing that he's only bulldozed non-orphanages?

For me it begins and ends with Donald Sutherland. Not only for one of my favorite Simpsons appearances (probably second of all time behind Tom Poston) but for the great audio version of The Old Man and the Sea that remains a go-to for long road trips.