You listen to me right god damn now you sons of bitches. If you vote "No" on this, you are a bad person and should go haunt a different fucking website.

The answer to the first question depends on the day. The answer to the second depends on how things progress with your sister and me, but I definitely appreciate your concern.

Before you vote no, go watch the video of our version of Clark the Cub on the news. Then, vote.

They're all so wonderful. I don't know I could pick a favorite, let alone six.

READ BETWEEN THE LINES, SHEEPLE

Here at Deadspin we generally assume that our readers are at least somewhat intelligent people. A lot of other sites dumb down content or write for an audience of morons: we don't do that. But because we've gotten at least one dumbass e-mail, and some dumbass comments and tweets, I'm going to explain why what Ed…

Dear Watt, I wrote you but you still ain't calling

"I'm gettin too endangered for this shit!"

We're not going to run a photo of her, but we can confirm she exists.

What about the bodybuilding competition? I already have tickets.

Speaking of canceling races, have the police killed all the black people yet?

"Stevie and I played catch for hours. He's an amazing human being."

And that's the genius of the joke, it plays both ways equally well. Like a picture of a vase that turns into two heads who are actually rapists.

OOH WAH AH AH AH

"Some of my closest ghostwriting clients are black."

My son is 15 and suicidal. He had some concussions a couple of years back and has not been the same since. He has made three legitimate attempts in the past few months, been in and out of hospitals, on and off of all different types of medications. As dark as it may sound, I fear that it is not going to end well…