My neighbor has been stealing hot peppers from our yard for as long as we’ve known him. We only found out when his wife stopped by and she had the realization that this is where all those peppers came from. Mostly we just thought it was funny. So I’m with you: if there’s a surplus of fruit, snag one now and again.

Wayne Rooney can’t be a prodigal son unless he returns home. That’s the definition, Billy.

Nothing and that’s why I’m on the internet. To be mad, anxious, and disappointed. Go celebrate and enjoy! There’s nothing for you here.

I remember the golden days when my team won the super bowl and I wrote angry comments on the internet. Happy days.

Patriots fans aren’t known for supporting their local aquariums.

Yeah that’s a fair argument. The Trump part is more incidental and reactionary. I’m more concerned about global warming, worldwide famine, and general catastrophe. People often ask me how I keep such a cheerful mood in dark times.

I’m feeling especially cynical lately for obvious reasons, so my brother and I have been debating this question: is it immoral to bring a child into the world given our questionable long-term and now short-term survival as a species?

“And that’s not fact, and I have no real source on that, but from what I understand, that’s the case, or that’s what led to it.” Chris, it’s 2017. Just say it once and say it loud and never back down. That’s how facts are made.

“Trump wants to expand fleet of thug boats.”

Thankfully, after surgery and extensive rehabilitation, he was able to return to the match.

You’re right. That would be an great Mixon match.

Did you just write eight paragraphs about how Harry Kane doesn’t have a flashy haircut without actually saying it?