A phrase we have said way more often than you think it could come up is “Jack, get off the wall!”

That's a great idea. But I'd add that there should be a live feed of the athletes trash talking each other, too. That would be must-see TV.

I did that in Vegas once. I had to be at a convention at noon, but was out til 5am at least the night before. Wake up at 11:45am still drunk. Jump in the shower, but decide to lay down. When I woke up at 5pm, I was a prune!

Only problem with multiple balls in the air at once is the kids in the field. You can't hit a new one if they're watching the old one. I'd hate to have a kid beaned by a screaming line drive.

Geez, I hope their parents still took them out for ice cream after that!

Yup, I found a good woman. I'm still now sure how she puts up with me.

Ugh, I did that once. I had gastro-intestinal distress that would make even Drew Magary cringe.

Exactly. The spatula is my go-to instrument for cleaning the bowl. Just don't ever use it to fill the pan. It turns the brownie dessert bowl into the brownie desert bowl, if you don't mind bad puns.

Is 'Hit by a car' assumed now? For bad-to-good lists, shouldn't it be #2? Though on this list, it would be 1. Chris Brown, 2. Hit by Chris Brown, 3. Phish

The Dead have about 8 good songs, some even great (Jack Straw "we can share the women, we can share the wine...", Ripple, Truckin, my wife loves Sugar Magnolia & Shakedown Street), but are hamstrung by the interminable songs that go nowhere. 15 minutes of noodling guitars playing the same riff will drive a sober…

There's a Danny Vermin meme in there somewhere... "My wife washed the brownie bowl once... Just once!"

My then-girlfriend, now wife, surprised me one day with brownies. I was dumbstruck to find the bowl in the sink. I explained very carefully that this was a ‘breakup-worthy’ offense. Brownie bowls must always be saved for eating. In fact, I asked that she never use a rubber spatula either, since that takes up too much…

Dang, I came to make a Candy Maldonado-Gram joke, but you beat me to it.

Drew, you should offer beezee her own weekly Funbag section as a sort of Letters from Penthouse.

It fits! They've never been in the same room together. They both look good in black. (That last sentence would give Scalia a heart attack!)

In the early 80's (83?), Sports Illustrated had Dr. J's hand shown life-sized. IIRC, it was 12 inches top to bottom. My hand (I'm 6' 1") barely got to the first knuckle.

Lolita, for the win!

Can we throw his little sign away? Oh, this was just sitting in the flower pot over there, choking the daisies.

Wait, did I steal this from the title, or vice versa?

I disagree. Racism is a cancer that must be exposed to be cured. Don’t let the racists hide in the shadows. Instead, make them accountable for their actions and speech.