She buys groceries?! I assumed her sustenance came from turning her head 180 degrees and eating the face of her partner during copulation.

I know: I LOVE NURSES. My sister is a nurse and she is fucking awesome.

I tell her about the time [Joan] Rivers was on an overnight flight, and as it was about to land, the flight attendant leaned down to offer her breakfast. “Chicken and eggs?” said Rivers. “On the same plate? What is that, the mother-daughter special?” Schumer lets out a big laugh, as it is classic Joan but it is also a…

Much like South Park, Schumer fearlessly tackles taboo subjects like incest and bodily excretions, except she’s a person, not a cartoon.

Same. I loved the variety that I could get (Barre, HIIT, Pilates, Yoga —and yeah I know I’m basic) and that I had that cancellation fee hanging over my head at 6:30am when I wanted to hit the snooze button (actually stopped my boyfriend mid-proposal [which I did not yet realize was a proposal] to tell him I had to…

All I hear is “There were totally other creepy old dudes trying to kidnap this girl, but I was totally non-creepy and asked her mother first.”

Sheiks are always looking for brides in high schools in Ocean Shores WA.

SHEIKHS! AYATOLLAHS! IMAMS! JAFAR FROM ALADDIN! PEDOPHILES FROM ALL OVER THE WORLD! THEY WERE ALL INTERESTED IN THIS UNDERAGE GIRL!

Jeepers, sheikers, look at all these FUCKING CREEPERS.

There should be a countdown whenever people start loving a female celebrity and putting her on a pedestal to the inevitable day they call her out for something maybe even beyond her control and tear her down. I'm so sick of this same cycle again and again.

That is the truth, but are you just going to pretend centuries of colonialism that had its basis in the supremacy of whiteness doesn’t really factor into it? Sure, fair skin indicates that you’re rich and you spend your time indoors, just like bound feet did in China. BUT, White skin in media, in the culture and IRL…

“Men are afraid women will laugh at them. Women are afraid men will kill them.” - Margaret Atwood.

Paraphrasing a comment from another poster:

Add making me side with Fox News to the reasons I hate Donald Trump.

Nah, but but running around in a fake belly is batshit crazy.

Agreed. And after he’s brought back to life, then HBO can go,

It’s all so very tiresome to those of us who watched the show and read the books. I’m sort of glad last season was terrible enough that I stopped caring what happens to these people in either medium.

He’s most definitely toast.

ive already been practicing my takes, you’re welcome everyone who gets to read them twice: