The value of this is clearly displayed by the comic sans font

She just started it before the last trip, still got sick. Says it was food poisoning which her oil conveniently doesn’t prevent. We’re going on another one soon so we’ll see what happens then.

iPads — you, sir, must live in a school district with unlimited budgets. Because of touchscreen input, iPads are reportedly ideal for very young children. But at some point, kids need a keyboard to make progress.

Automated job application and pre-hire interviews require this data in an unavoidable fashion before you even get in front of the hiring manager. These are great ideas but I have never seen salary brought up only first in front of the hiring manager. If you are not some top flight candidate with rare skills, salary…

Once your cat realizes the amount of work you put into something for them they will promptly ignore it and revel in your frustration before demanding more food.

Public speaking is part of my full time job, so I would also add to this list:

4. Unless you’re famous, most people are there for reasons other than you, and so they have no expectations. This is a great opportunity to gain reputation and teach someone something unexpected.

Just be sure if you’re one of the few people in a snow zone who have a car whose paint they care about but no garage, that you “peel” the tarp off, not drag it across your car. Otherwise every bit of dust or grit on your car or tarp is a potential scratch. And if it's a really heavy snowfall you may need to brush as…

Pro tip: Use your least important finger to steer that fruit chunk back into the blades.

“So if someone offers to sell you a Fitbit from the back of a van, maybe keep running.”

I mostly would be making appetizers for me...

Lawyers are assholes who manufacture this shit for profit. *Disclosure: I am a lawyer.

Best way to take a selfie is to hand someone else the camera.

To every point I say: damn skippy. You can pry my 720p, off-contract 2013 Moto X from my cold, dead hands.

You know what the REAL secret is? Just ask. That’s the real secret. Sure, tricks like this make it easier for you to do it, but the bottom line is asking is much better than not asking.

Not only will you distinguish yourself from the competition when looking for a job, but you’ll also be able to negotiate a higher salary when you get the offer or ask for a raise...

Thank you for the encouraging words. They motivated me to upgrade my current saving/budget plan.

Then you realize a used TRX/suspension trainer is cheaper than buying a new door/repairing anything related to the door. It’s also a MUCH better workout that gives you progressions. I would NOT recommend the door pullups unless you know how the door is made, you might break your neck.

Trying to save money? Look up DIY…

Ok, am I just an enormous party pooper or what? I think I would find it genuinely hard to look into my future child’s face and lie about there being a Santa. (the elf, I could not even. too much)

@WestwoodDenizen: That's not true. Women have the tendency to get lost and then proceed to describe their location as near a gas station. This helps you help her.