disaster comedies set at malls are pretty good too.

My parents made me share the basement with my aunt. She snored so loud I didn’t get any sleep that night. I finally moved to the couch. My mom didn’t believe me until auntie was moved to my room by herself. She could hear her through my closed door.

My kids are 7 and 4, and I’m convinced it never actually gets better. It just gets different.

Christian electronica act Owl City

It is charming now only because I didn’t get fired. I also made out with our Chef. So I hear.

Three years ago we had a summer party at my office that raged out of control, in that a ton of us including the MD ended up on the roof drinking champagne from the bottle and chainsmoking, having moonhopper races (yeah, we brought in moonhoppers), general debauchery. I got incredibly tanked and staked out the elevator…

Why is it that everyone thinks Jen Aniston needs to be married or have a baby to be truly happy? The ongoing story on her is that she’s lonely and desperate because she’s never gotten that baby and her boyfriend won’t marry her. Like, listen. I guarantee Jennifer Aniston is hap hap happy as a motherfucker and it’s…

Uh oh, carpentry tools? You know who was a carpenter? JESUS (and his stepdad.) Sounds like a ritualistic Christian murder!

*pats you on head*

Same here, but mine is 8.5.

Yup, everyone knows about the standard ritual tools - incense, candle, carpentry hammer, gun.

You are engaging in some high-level mothering, and I salute you. I love my child, but toddlers are basically tiny monsters.

Don’t tell me that. The only thing keeping me going is pretending that when she’s four, she’ll behave like a person.

Being a single mother is not for the faint of heart, I tell you.

How to start your day like Mocena:

OH OKAY.

I clicked on this faster than I have ever clicked on anything in my entire freaking life!

It’s a stupid publicity stunt, obviously. They’ll be fine.

Next you’ll tell me I’ve been using the ketchup cups wrong...