You could have just said no instead of posting my heartfelt missive on the internet.

Yeah. I’m ten years younger than this lady, and the very idea of spending that much time with a 23-yr-old dude [who reads The Secret, ffs) is just uuuuuggggh. And one who writes “anywho” instead of the PROPER, CORRECT “anyhoo”? Helllll no.

He’s reminding me a little of Vanilla Ice. Maybe it’s just the hair.

The irony of this situation is that soooo many women, including myself, have said something similar to coddle the feelings of some hoser and avoid possible violence. Most women know this feeling. You hedge your bets, coddle, try to stay safe. It’s a lifestyle, really.

I shouldn’t find that as funny as I do. Like this one:

If your husband “dies or something” and you “wind up” with Justin, I’m calling Lt. Kenda to investigate the circumstances.

So, is “my phone was stolen in Canada” the new “I was hiking the Appalachian Trail”?

Which is not to be confused with Fucking, New Jersey.

And privileged. Don’t forget privileged. If his rights were being curtailed or even just threatened, he might actually take notice.

I mean like... what. Politics isn’t on his radar? What a mother fucking privilege! Trust me, I WISH I didn’t have to think about politics. But since certain politicians in this country keep trying to erode my reproductive rights and push policies that would lead us to catastrophe, I HAVE to care.

I don’t even know what the issues are.

I just fucking love LL Bean. I love it. I’m visiting my parents in Maine right now, and we went into Freeport last Thursday and I immediately scampered off to the camping section and crawled into one of the tents with a four-season sleeping bag.

Perfect for trips to the liquor store before you curl up on your couch to watch Netflix, get real drunk alone and avoid leaving the house from December-March.

They DID treat the pizzeria how they'd like to be treated...they paid for the pizza and left.

Is he really a pastor with a congregation and all, or just a random person who needs mental health services? And no snark meant, as this is not normal behavior from a contributing member of society, a society that needs to help people, not lock them up in a cell as an answer.

IF YOU DON’T DO WHAT I SAY GOD IS GOING TO CURSE WITH YOU WITH TWELVE HOURS OF DARKNESS, STARTING IN *looks in almanac* ABOUT EIGHT AND A HALF HOURS!!!!!!!!

Went to our state fair and got a tattoo of an emerald ash borer on my arm. At least it’s temporary.

Your husband publicly supporting Trump on the other hand...

It’s basically Kurt Cobain Cosplay.

I’m pretty sure Gigli was already released. And no one watched it.