I’m pretty sure the common thread here is marijuana. The employees got freaked out by a customer and hid in the back: high. Dude goes to CVS in the middle of the night looking for cheese and spends 45 minutes wandering around the store: high.

Of all the states that can dump on Michigan’s water issues, the one where a river literally caught on fire is not one of them.

Agreed. The joke should have been “Michigan girls are heavier than the metals that contaminate Flint’s water supply.”

It also doesn’t make any sense. Lead is not a disease.

I totally could see Pop living on a sailboat in Marina Del Rey, just like the actor who played The Most Interesting Man in the World.

Knock knock.

...will reportedly replace him with retread Bruce Arena

Committing long term to a Cousin sounds more West Virginia and less D.C.

For people opposed to the “nanny state” they sure are keen on government interference in people’s lives.

We call that Freedom Foam.

It’s fine, but too often the ribs are broken.

Pretty wild that Stormfront can’t find a single fucking grammar nazi.

You get cow marrow out of chicken wings? The fuck kind of animals they breeding in your neck of the woods?

Look at John D. Rockefeller over here bragging about his bottles.

Wine comes in a bottle?

If you’ve ever gotten the wind knocked out of you, you know what that feels like. If you haven’t, I don’t know what to tell you. I mean, first of all, you have to realize, I’m not talking about some kind of literal wind. I’m referring to your breath. But the metaphor doesn’t stop there. No, it goes on, much like the…

No big deal; keys get lost all the time.

I guess rainy days and Mondays really do get the Carpenters down.

And proves that some suck-ass messed up his code, which explains why he malfunctioned a game ago.

Back in highschool I could jump my truck clear over those mountains over there.