Alls I know is when I’m clubbing my dinger I sock the fuck out of my donger

Before anybody asks, no this will not ever get old.

A fresh lawsuit from T.J. Maxx, funded by Peter Thiel, should be filed momentarily.

“So it’s not a leg???”—Greg Oden’s doctors

“I’m stunned that Mr. Moody defied the court’s direct order to appear today,” Miami-Dade prosecutor Christine Zahralban told the judge on Friday.

I would argue, that Serena Williams is the closest analog that we have to Diana Prince (Wonder Woman), on Earth.

(crowd lustily boos lack of effort)

Not my guy Mateen! This aint what they meant when they told you to take the charge, cuh!!

Meanwhile, John Farrell keeps referring to Pablo Sandoval as ‘Rolls’.

Anybody who thinks we’re anywhere close to creating a machine that can “out-think” a human, or that computers are “faster” than human brains, should be made to sit down and watch someone playing Devil Daggers.

Conscious human thought may be sluggish, but the moment somebody enters “the zone”, and relaxes a little...…

Hey, a cyanide induced massive heart attack is still, presumably, a massive heart attack.

That’s the only check from a Schilling’s bank account that is being sent to the state of Rhode Island.

Sometimes I’ll drop a bit of food and it’ll roll down my chest and bounce off the couch and then come to a rest on the carpet and my muscles will twitch like I’m gonna grab it before I forget about it but then I go slack and I keep eating the quesalupa because nothing matters.

Nice. Too bad he sounds like the daily task of a German butler.