Surely there’s a difference between standard teenage awkwardness, and adults trying to get you to do something awkward on camera for money. (I’m not saying anything inappropriate actually happened, but “teenagers are awkward” is not a valid defense here.)

I only order breakfast, a burger or a gyro at a diner. Nothing else is worth it!

You can’t even throw a rock in KC without hitting a BBQ joint and most of them have run out of wall space to display all the awards, media articles, and top 10 lists from foodie shows they’ve received. People here wouldn’t even wipe their ass with those anemic slices of “Brooklyn Best” shit meat.
We may be known for…

The only appropriate reference.

Right, but the story gets it all backwards. Brooklyn is the BBQ influencee, not the BBQ influencer. You’ve got a lot of people and a foodie culture and a bunch of SMOKEBOYS show up from Memphis and Texas and shit, and you end up with some good BBQ joints.

The author explains the Brooklyn style (“it all looks like it came straight out of Williamsburg”) has its own idiosyncratic traits, including decor (Edison light bulbs, exposed brick walls), use “free-range and hormone free” meats from small farms, and perhaps the most counterintuitive of his arguments: Brooklyn…

Nah. “Pretend you were trolling after you failed hard” is one of the oldest, dumbest tricks in the book.

But it does offer a non-New Yorker’s perspective, and in food writing everything, it’d be nice to have more of that.

Pizza gatekeeping is the worst. Really all food gatekeeping. Jesus christ go crawl into a fucking hole. “Ummm, excuse me but White Chocolate isn’t really chocolate.” go fuck yourself. “Umm excuse me, but that’s not a real taco.” go fuck yourself. “Umm excuse me but pizza isn’t this.” go fuck yourself.

Obligatory:

MAMA MIA! THAT’S A PRICEY MEATBALL!

Actually, they drink Krombacher.

He’s balding and his name is Nair? I see a lucrative endorsement deal in his future.

Or, you know, all the tariffs we put in place in 2012 for tires or the many times earlier we tried to adjust for a countries that were dumping goods and hurting domestic production. And then there’s the massive tariffs some other countries put on US goods and agriculture so we can’t compete in their markets.

That is not dead which can eternal lie,

Because it is one of the most delicious fats, and you usually get it from ducks.

In my school years, 40 or so ago, you saw your teachers at school and had no contact with them otherwise. No e-mails, no social media presence, nothing. The wall between teacher and student was solid. I’m sure things were said by students, I’m sure there were still inappropriate relationships, but you didn’t have…

Your definition of *finely engineered* does not mesh with mine.

Hazelnut.

It’s the sort of beating that anyone named “Brayden” deserves. (See also: Jayden, Kayden, Raylee, Haylee, Braylynn, etc.)