No, I won’t, because I will not be doing that. Enjoy!

One new year’s day I went to the organic bougie market with a shopping list, ready for a big detox/cleanse I had read about.

More like Athanasioulater, amirite?

People of Japan, we don’t like him either.

GM still cannot make a decent interior.

“I can really feel it working!!!!! I’ve dropped 10# in a day, my sphincter is so strong now that I could open a bottle cap with it, and my abs have never looked better from all the crunches from vomiting and exploding diarrhea all over the place!!!!!”

Skip the purification and you could end up with a Cryptosporidium, Shigella, norovirus, or Giardia infection.

They’ll bring the Yugo since you will be getting well acquainted with shoddy build quality 

It’s not that men are banned, it’s just hard finding men who are good enough for the showcase. At the end of the day, men just aren’t that funny.

I worry about Larry King’s suspenders breaking right through his clavicles and splitting him into three sections.

When it comes to opinions about food, the Kurds definitely need to whey in.

Barely cooked.

Go ahead and mock imaginary investments all you want. Last December I invested 10 grand in thoughts and prayers when they were trading for $3.78 a share. Soon after the Vegas and Texas shootings demand hit a premium and I sold at $22,000 a share and cleared a cool $58 million.

You know, thank god a great mind like yours is on the job, questioning.

I could get behind that.

Well, looks another group of Senators are going to have to resign. This is getting out of hand.

pizza snobs are almost as bad as steak snobs. We get it, there is better pizza out there especially in a city with a huge history with pizza. But the 3 big pizza chains are not bad when you want pizza fast and cheap.

So no more hat tips on Jalopnik?

The gymnasts are mostly exploited the way the system works now. It’s best for future generations that organizations like this don’t exist

Don't sell yourself short - the whole world is dismissive of British cuisine. Think of how many more countries you could condescend to!