This is the same backstory as Uncle Tom's Cabin.

It's not the wealth, it's the inequity. "Happiness is insensitivity." — Tennessee Williams.

It made me wish I'd named my son Cerius Lee.

They'd throw a flag for taunting.

If I were a Pats fan, I'd be totally pissed about the call. If I were a Panther fan, I'd be totally pissed if the flag had stood.

I noticed that the ESPN announcers couldn't be bothered to pay attention to the game.

I hate when fans boo, especially home team players, but you probably heard me booing from my couch when Weeden came out.

I hate when fans boo, especially home team players, but you probably heard me booing from my couch when Weeden came out.

If you had superpower #5, there would be no occassion to use #1-4.

It seemed that the refs were especially horrible today — a lot of ticky-tacky roughness calls and half a dozen bad no-calls. Ugh.

I like shouting "Go, go Mingo!" on every Browns defensive play. (I miss yelling, "Whatchu talkin' bout, Willis!")

Aren't cheerleaders sometimes paralyzed or even killed by falls? I'd guess there have been several since 2000.

The game made me feel a bit better about the Browns. Freeman is no Weeden!

I had such hope when Hoyer was playing. "What is this strange football emotion I'm feeling?" I thought. I'm surprised Weeden doesn't get called for intentional grounding on every pass play — there's never a receiver in the area.

I DVR NFL games and sometimes watch plays in slow-mo on first view. It makes plays more interesting and exciting, but I don't have the patience to watch a whole game this way.

I think this is the key — Weeden panics and freezes. Ugh, I was so happy we finally had a qb who could throw the ball in the general area of a receiver. My hope begins again to fade.

Dear Browns, Please trade me too.

This is for anthropologists of the future: We played Smear the Queer during recess in 1961. Around this time, a priest announced over the school intercom that we should not be using the word Queer.

I read "The Boston Bombers" and thought it was just another sports team I didn't care about. Roller derby, maybe?

Regarding the no-nose guy, how did he smell?