I think we’re far closer to solving nuclear fusion than convincing Karens to use the correct lane. 

Goodbye everyone. It’s been a hell of a ride. Never made it out of the greys but that’s ok.

A question for the Funbag: why should I keep reading anything on this website after Jim Spanfeller and Paul Maidment went to the lengths of firing Barry, like cowards, for the dumbest of reasons?

I want to support the writers here—this is both the best website that exists, and has ever existed, and the best sports…

I appreciate all of you that have made Deadspin what it was. I hope these fucking morons that want to change things get some clarity. This is the first site I go to when I go online. THE FIRST!!!  EVERYTIME!!!

I completely disagree, the last thing baseball needs is a scandal involving performance enhancing hugs.

Immediate solution: tape a phone with GPS to the puck and use Google Maps to determine where it is. This plan is without flaw.

I am assuming wife and second wife are the same and he just typed it poorly, but a Utah situation does sound more fun.

I still smoke bowls with my SO. We’re in our early 30s and all our cooler friends mock us for being so unhip, but I stand with you. 

What is going on with the wife situation here? Are the two wives getting together to collaborate on cracker supplies?  Are they road-tripping together?  Will the video be available as a subscription?

“All I wanted was to have some speed and have fun,” Friedlander says. “Always remember, hockey is not about winning, it’s always about fun.”

“Always remember, hockey is not about winning, it’s always about fun.”

LeBron James: [no look] “Pass.”

I haven’t been a Lebron fan since the bullshit decision nonsense when he went to Miami. Then, as a Laker fan, when he signed with LA, I was ambivalent at best about him signing. Now, after his HK taek, it turns out he’s still the vapid, self centered jackass who did that decision bullshit. What a surprise. 

I hear it’s part of the Uighur re-education curriculum in Xinjiang.

That pass was blinder than a Hong Kong protestor shot in the eyes by the Chinese government.

This comment is full of so much righteousness I feel the need to genuflect and cross myself. 

It was almost a relief knowing that after St. Louis fans had themselves a nice day watching their favorite hockey team visit their favorite president ever, that they received a nice, swift kick to the gonads in the form of the Cardinal’s being swept, to bring them back to reality. 

Can we demand the Slack transcripts of the other potential headlines? There’s gotta be some gold in there...

We rarely know everything behind a stranger’s situation. Maybe she had a death in the family and booked last-minute tickets to attend the funeral. Maybe another family member just called to say they’re suicidal or in desperate medical condition, and she dropped everything and booked the only seats she could grab.