He’ll last. There’s no way Trump doesn’t fucking love this guy.

Jesus, someone at SNL must have a bulletproof rabbit’s foot or horseshoe or something, because just when I thought the inspiration for their best bit of the year was vanishing to the Great Podium in the Sky, into the national spotlight comes an even better character. Hell, McCarthy could just make SNL her full time…

Team officials assured him that he would not be charged the holocaust for the tickets.

No, Stephen King.

I wonder if the fan went to an usher to complain that he could Nazi the game very well.

That’s because, on top of some wickedly clever humor, the show also had a heart to it.

Pitino could kill an escort and still have a job.

You know there’s porn on the internet, right?

Fuck off, old white people who are still mad about OJ. The Juice is Loose! 

“Happy 70th Steve Stone! So how was your past year?”

They get 15 seconds to look the cube over so if it makes you feel better add 15 seconds to all the times.

That is cause he didn’t go against me. I can solve a cube in about 45 days.

Lmao I disagree with the sentiment, but that is a solid burn

Durant is a Dominos franchise away from being Peyton Manning

...said nobody, ever.

“Hi Joe, Yes, that is a cell phone in my pocket, and yes, I am glad to see you.”

That’s a good dog.

Did anyone else double take when he said “we gonna bust off in that ass”?

I’m rooting for Nate Diaz with the chair to knock them both out.

“Hello, Floyd, I am an idiot. Can I make my $90 directly payable to the IRS?”