You sacrificed a shot at the playoffs to your racist-ass principles, Texans, but that’s ok; you still suffered your trademark embarrassing early-round loss in our *hearts*.

When you delude yourself into believing that pro sports games are patriotic events you make yourself vulnerable to becoming all types of stupid.

If you think that’s stupid, the Browns hate kneeling so much they refused to go into the victory formation all season.

It was unclear exactly what was left on the voicemail due to Berman’s Mumblin’, Bumblin’, and Stumblin’.

I’m actually a model for Forever 21, but I’m thirsty for a Deadspin follow so I make self-deprecating jokes.

I have never sent a shirtless photo to a woman I did not want to have sex with because that would be weird and creepy and absolutely signal that I wanted to have sex with them.

Simon himself said they had plenty of time to get ready for them, and they had to know the saviors would be pissed, and they have guns, and a huge home field advantage, but they did nothing to get ready. Absolutely nothing.

Well, unless that person is you, the odds are greatly stacked in favor of another hate-watcher coming on board. Because this website tends to hire people who like things at a higher intelligence level than “Transformers/Megyn Kelly”.

Is anyone NOT hate-watching this right now?

So that caveman talk by the Heapsters was phony after all, just an affectation. How the hell did Jadis get a whole, large group of people to agree to talk like that, at least in front of outsiders?? Jeebus, if you’re that effective a leader, why not turn that talent of persuasiveness towards something useful, like…

The Kobe thing is infuriating because sports radio hosts named her and said she deserved to lose her anonymity because she accused someone of rape. It’s also disgusting that Kobe was given a hero’s exit when he retired and everyone pretty much forgot about the rape case. Everyone also overlooks the fact that Kobe is a…

Soylent Green’s The Walking Dead Stray Observations: Korl’s Scooby Doo Adventures Edition

That was my main takeaway from this article: Trump’s elbow at that angle looks like the gaping maw of a mutated toothless pig who lost its snout.

I was thinking the same thing. WTF is wrong with his skin?

God, that’s a gross elbow

I feel like “meldown” is a noun, while the verb form should be separate words. “Timberwolves had a Collective Meltdown” vs “Timberwolves Collectively Melt Down.”

I have never read an article so bleak, cynical and in love with something. This was fantastic.

A conspiracy theory that depends on so many people buying in, and so many moving pieces isn’t likely. Sure the Malik Scott fight was sketchy, but the theory you lay out depends on Ortiz deliberately getting caught using PEDs to save Wilder the embarrassment of having to fight him (instead of just feigning an injury),…

Highlight truthers. At least 9/11 truthers are kinda fun.

I know we joke around here a lot, and despite what our girlfriends say, we are ok at it. But whoever did this, show yourself. This shit is brilliant and I’m dying.